It always hits you when you least expect it - maybe when you most need it. I actually thought my son and his goat Eddie would grow up together. Eddie’s mom rejected him so he became a bottle fed kid. And my youngest son, Chase, took that responsibility seriously. So seriously he would bring you the powder to mix the formula for him before you could even tell him to prep the bottle. He had a bike delivery service all set up. Every morning, when I got hay ready for the animals, he would prep his bike and together we would make it down to the corral to feed the animals. And every evening we would do the same with some extra play time. Tomorrow will be different because today was different. We found Eddie today with terminal injuries, probably getting hit too hard in the corral from another goat. He couldn’t stand or hold his head up. While we tried to feed him and help him, we had to prepare our boys for the change of what isn’t merely schedule but for our 5 year old who took such pride in taking care of Eddie, it would be a change to his life. Eddie wasn’t going to make it.
Our son understood our talk and he was crushed. We spent the afternoon drawing Eddie thanks to Art Hub for Kids. And talked about suffering, death, and hope. He took it all in stride feeling his sadness, loneliness, and fear. “I’m afraid, mom,” he told me. “Eddie is going to die. I’m going to miss him and his buddy is going to miss him,” talking of the one goat kids that would snuggle with Eddie at night.” It was an honest talk we had. No euphemisms, no flowery picture. It was a moment I will remember forever. When we went back to the corral. Eddie was dead, as I suspected of a severed spinal cord due to blunt force trauma. Chase brought his goat away and when he came back down from the mountain, he came to the corral where his older brother and I were at, feeding the sheep and goats. His older brother put his arm around him as they stood looking at the animals eating. He told him how proud he was of the way Chase took care of Eddie. Again, another moment never to be forgotten- not by this mom anyways. We let his tears flow and then we taught him about the herd but it wasn’t us taking care of him. Because as he cried, the 5 remaining kids flooded him with care. They all wanted to know what ailed Chase - how could they make it better. And our son knew that the world couldn’t stop working hard because those kids needed him. Together they grieve. In that moment, the kids - my boys and their baby goats, all took care of each other. Some days these corral lessons are about getting the job done correctly- other days, like today, they are about getting the job done the best way we can - with each other.
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AuthorJust a Tách'inii thinking out loud about butchering, researching, manuscript writing, and life on the Navajo reservation. Archives
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